Happy 4th...moving forward.

A friend texted me this morning and asked how I am? Hmmm...I dont know how I am.  So much going through my head the past few weeks.  We are seeking Gods direction in our church family.  Dear friends of our family have been on my heart and in my prayers because of changes happening in their lives.  We are going through our own preteen battles with our oldest son, Jared. And then there is the daily stuff. Life just keeps going on.  Which makes me think of the emails I've recieved the past few days from Grief Share.  They have been about life going on and moving forward with God.  Just thinking of those words...You cant go back. You cant stay here.  You must move forward.  These are words I dont want to hear.  Words I have resisted over and over since April 27th, 2010.  I want nothing more than to go back, to change the past.  I have longed to go back and live in those moments, holding my baby girl in my arms.  Hearing her laugh, reliving life when our family was whole.  I have tried very hard to stay, yet here I am, moving forward with life.  My heavenly Father has lovingly and patiently led me forward, despite my inability to take a step on my own.  With my eyes fixed on the eternal (2 Cor. 4:16, 18) each day the task is to stay focused on Jesus.  My heart is still broken, the grief still overcomes me like a tidal wave and I still drift from denial to times of despair and doubts.  I think of King David, who had such a heart for God and even he had to deal with these emotions (Psalm 22:1..."My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, so far from the words of my groaning?") How am I today?  I am focused on Jesus Christ, focused on Jesus Christ, focused on Jesus Christ.  An intentional minute by minute choice to be made each day.